* A partial list

I really like myself more and more, the older I get. As I’ve gotten closer and closer to my mid-40’s I’ve become wiser through life experience, I’m much more comfortable in my own skin and I’ve learned to laugh at myself. The latter is probably a very good thing, considering there’s a hell of a lot of laugh at. Case(s) in point…

— I’m a native New Yorker but moved to Florida in late 2000. While living in Tampa for the first 2 years of being a Floridian, I worked for a company where I visited patients in their homes to offer them Occupational Therapy services, similar to what I do now. Unlike New York, not all streets are necessarily paved down here and instead will occasionally be made of dirt, sand, gravel or crush sea shell. This concept was still very foreign to me when I first moved from New York to Florida and the first time I ever came across such a road, my very first thought was, “Wow, it must be a bitch to get the snow plow through this in the wintertime!”

— I’ve been known to look all over the house, in panic, for my cell phone while it was in my front pocket (same goes for car keys in the other pocket and sunglasses on top of my head).

— I ran Activity Groups for the 11 years that I worked on the Psych unit. Every once in a while we would have a group of patients who were just BLAH. Nothing against that but a group comprised mainly of depressed people with Alzheimer’s Disease is not the most lively bunch of people known to man. At least if you have someone manic in the mix, or talking to the voices that only they can hear, there’s some variety. But not this group. So I did what I always did in such cases and amused myself. It was harmless to the patients (more often than not it went completely over their heads) and kept me, if you’ll forgive me, sane. So at the end of this particularly grueling session where I had to work my ass off just to establish eye contact with some of them, I said, “OK everyone, we’re done. Please make sure you take all your belongings, thank you for flying with us and we hope to see you again soon.” And a patient looked at me and said, “You know dear, they have medication for that.”

— While watching a commercial for a certain make of automobile, the car company was offering 0.0% financing, so they had quite a bit of “small print” on the screen. My first thought? “Geez, that print is tiny…how could someone who is visually impaired ever see print that small?”

— Many years ago a group of us went to see a movie. When we got home and were discussing the film, someone asked what the running time had been. “90 minutes,” someone said. I piped up, “Do you really think so? I thought it was more like an hour and a half.”

— While traveling on vacation with Joe and our friend Steve, I packed my electric toothbrush into my carry-on bag. As we arrived at the check-in desk of our hotel, the toothbrush, jostled from the trip, turned on and started making a very loud vibrating sound. I simply glared at Joe, Steve as they laughed while I went fishing for the offending toothbrush, to prove to the front desk clerk (who was trying hard not to laugh) what it was and, more importantly, what it wasn’t.

Advertisements